the girl who has nothing.

Let me tell you a story about a poor girl..

she was never lucky, she was never fortunate, she has never have a single good day in her life.

as a child, she was sent to live with distant relatives, her granduncle and his family.
as a child, she watched her mother get increasingly addicted to drugs, getting in and out of prison.
as a child, she almost never get to meet her grandmother, for she has abandoned her family long before she was born.
as a child, her harsh grandfather never cared.

at the age of 14, she ran away. away from a home which is not really hers, into the harsh reality of life, all alone. she strived and she struggled to make a living to keep herself alive. to keep a brother, who is at least 10 years her junior, alive.

finally in her late 20s, she gave in to depression. she caved in from the pressure of the need to be independent, the lack of family, the unfortunate events in her life. it was only 3 years later, when she battled depression successfully. now she leads a lonely but simple life. she lives in a rented flat, she earns her living as a food stall assistant and occasionally visits her brother. all her life, she has almost nothing. she has no family, she has no crutch, she has no support and she has no help. she is the poorest girl i know.

every other day, i lament the fact that i have no life, no bf, i do not have enough to spend, that my parents treat my brother better, that i hate studying, that i hate working. yet next to the girl who has nothing, i am the girl who has everything.

just took 3 days leaves to rest and i must say i am really well rested! basically slept for most of the 3 days and did some things which i am dying to do! for example, meeting up with some important people, watch korean drama and spent alot of money. i wonder when i will have another chance to so this again.

speaking of korean drama, i just finished watching "Princess Hours" and i am so amazed that i actually have so much tears to shed! i wonder, if kim also cried as much. (i also made her obsessed with it! haha) it is amazing how we can get so affected by the plot (which is, by the way, pretty unrealistic and heartbreaking to actually occur in real life). it also leads to another question. do all girls secretly wish to be princesses? do girls secretly want a "ke gu min xin" romance and which will ultimately lead them to a happily ever after? so is it better to have a great romantic love than a dull yet stable one? which do you prefer? and to others, is it better to be single forever than to maintain a relationship which is mundane and probably mostly one-sided? then how do you really know that the special someone which you are very sure exists, really exists? scary thoughts, these. maybe it is beter to fantasize about being the princess in the drama.

recently, it seems that everyone is going away. chel has left, julia is leaving, and so am i (leaving society and becoming a recluse buried in work). it seems that the platoon size is ever diminishing. from 18 to 16..and to about 11 after sec school and now...less than 10. since this trend takes place over a little less than a decade, it is pretty scary to think how many will be left in another decade? we are being taken over by work, by boyfriends, by new friends, by new lives. how many will actually attend our 10th anniversary come next year?

the incessant coughing is killing me.