this is going to take some time to read...

halo everybody!!!!!! i am back!!!

yesterday marks the LAST day of work on the "eat shit" client.
i must say, i am RELIEVED and sooo glad that i can finally:

1. have sufficient sleep (latest i have worked till is 2am. meaning worked at least minimum of 14 hours a day)

2. not have to suffer hunger (lunch usually 1plus and dinner after 8! suffer hunger twice a day)

3. not have to take shit from people who are obviously stuck up and obnoxious (for no reason. not as if they're the PM or high esteemed characters)

4. be afraid of visiting a toilet in the building which is rumoured to be haunted (i swear, the auto hand dryer really started by itself. i was nowhere near it!)

5. be delegated work which obviously, is not mine and usually shit jobs.

6. cut my nails, do mask, shop peacefully and basically, spend time with myself and with friends.

however, i am also kind of regretful that the team is disbanded (and hopefully won't come together again because it means that we are back doing the shit job) because from the 5 weeks i spent with them, i actually got to know them better and learn their quirks and shared complains together. the 3 seniors who have taught me alot, whether is it GAM, or how to deal with superiors and in their own way, showed their concern towards us. the A2s whom we got to know better and especially that i have gotten close to haidi who is actually very tan chi! how can i survive ont he next job without her? nobody to accompany me to the toilets, nobody to share grumbles and gossips with, nobody to help me with my work and nobody to discuss what to eat for lunch! however, all good(and some bad...) things must come to an end and i look forward to the next engagement and making new friends and colleagues.

Thoughts and feels.
1. Is this the right job for me?
2. Am i too unmotivated?
3. Am i too sheltered such that i cannot take hardships?

These questions kept on floating in and out of my thoughts constantly while i am on the job. initially, the late nights and tough clients really made me resentful, and entirely frustrated that i am stuck in this line. I kept feeling like this is not the right occupation for me. I am not strong in my accounting knowledge, i get bothered by rude clients too easily and i dislike having insufficient sleep daily. I have mentioned that the latest i end work is 2am in the morning, but in actual fact, the latest my seniors and supervisor worked till is 11am in the morning. Yes, that will be 26 hours of work straight. that knowledge itself really rendered me speechless. i question myself: what is their motivation? it is not as if they have a cut of the profits. further, how is it that they can take such hardship just to churn out a report for the boss who decides that he needs it at the eleventh hour, receives pay that does not compensate for their effort and yet maintain their optimism and passion for the job? why is it that i cannot comprehend their dedication? am i too sheltered by my parents such that such "hardship" , such sacrifice (of personal time and of resting time) seems entirely ridiculous? the bottomline is that i lack the passion for this occupation (or for accounting in ANY form) and together with the fact that i have never endured such long hours of working non stop workes together to make me extremely resentful of my present job. in addition to this, i cannot help but feel underpaid and under compensated for my efforts (yes, 3 legged stool theory and the motivation theory.). Hence, i am extremely unsatisfied with my job and the thought of leaving just kept on haunting me. shall i leave? if i do, i have no idea what interests me and thus, no notion of what type of job i can apply for.

however, after speaking to a senior, (who is also leaving!), i am faltering in my stance of leaving. she tells me that if i keep feeling dissatisfied about my present position and keep entertaining thoughts of leaving, i can never feel at ease with my job. if i don't stop comparing with others (in terms of working hours, pay and perks of the job), i will always feel restless and resentful of whatever i do. this really gave me second thoughts about leaving. yes, the present job really does not have much to offer in terms of immediate compensation. however, what it gives is exposure, to how different industries and companies works. particularly, the portfolio which i am "allocated" to, i must admit i do have a different portfolio from others and i will get to see more. further, since i do not know what is it that i want in life (except to marry lee hom and just sit back relax and see the $$ rolling in), waiting at least a year before i leave will open up my eyes to the real world and hopefully, by then i have a notion of what is it i wanna be in life.

taxi drivers
once we end work after 8pm, we get reimbursement for the taxi ride home. obviously, given the hours i work till, i took cab home virtually everyday. as such, i have lots of opportunities to chat with these taxi drivers, one of whom in particular, leave an impression. he is a semi-retired man who continues driving because he cannot sit still at home. once he earns enough to cover his costs, he packs up and goes home to accompany his wife for high tea sessions, mahjong or goes clubbing with his daughters (zouk le!). he is the type of man i wanna become. or rather, i would love to be in the same situation as him in about 35 years. he seems satisfied about his life and enjoys each day with no regrets. i wonder, if i can be like him? happy go lucky, has a close knitted family and has a cheeful outlook.

of course, another reason he left an impression on me is that he he says i look like i am born in '87 or '86. wahahahahahahaha...that means i look 18! of course, he made my day! but after he was informed that i'm 22 and single, he says "how come! faster find one or else too late!" and in that one-liner, he has just said out what i FEELS deep in my bone! HOW COME?!?! i also duno! the next worse thing about not having a bf is that there isn't even anyone in the "potential" league nor is there anyone in the "eligible" league. so girls, is it time to activate our membership with the SDU yet? or shall i tattoo my forehead with "single and available" tag?

shen arh...jiu jiu wo (men) ba.